


Bulletproof Loneliness

by Nightwing11



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Also kind of a Civil War Fix it too, As in people talk about it and USE THEIR WORDS instead of fighting each other, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Bucky Barnes Feels, Depressed Steve Rogers, Drinking to Cope, Drunk Steve Rogers, Fix-It, M/M, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Reunions, Seriously guys, So many problems can be avoided by just TALKING, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-05
Updated: 2018-10-05
Packaged: 2019-07-25 09:15:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16194563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nightwing11/pseuds/Nightwing11
Summary: A year after the events of Infinity War, Steve is falling apart - having lost his whole world yet again. Tony, Shuri, and Bruce work desperately to reverse Thanos' actions and set the world right again.





	Bulletproof Loneliness

It had been a year. A goddamn _year_ since Thanos had shown up. Since he’d gotten the last of the Infinity Stones - ripped from Vision’s head  - and ended life for half of the universe.

 

The surviving Avengers regrouped then did what they do best: avenged. They went after Thanos with everything they had and then some. Petty squabbles and differences were all but erased in the face of such insurmountable grief. They took the fight to the Mad Titan and, by some miracle (and a _lot_ of help from Carol Danvers), won.

 

But, the Infinity Gauntlet had been too damaged to use again, leaving the heroes with no way to bring back their family and friends.

 

Tony, Shuri, and Bruce had all but locked themselves into a lab, working to the point of exhaustion day after day in hopes of figuring out a way to reverse the stones’ actions, to bring back their brothers and sisters, their sons and daughters, their friends and lovers.

 

But, they never could. Oh, they came close. They came close so, so, so many times. The first dozen or so times, the rest of the Avengers had crammed into the lab, waiting with baited breath as the trio tried something new.

 

Nothing worked. And slowly, one-by-one, the team stopped coming to the lab to check on their progress, stopped asking Tony or Shuri or Bruce to keep them updated when they were about to try something new.

 

Finally, only Steve joined them. And Tony hated himself just a bit more each time he had to watch the soldier’s face fall, had to watch as Steve put on a brave front and try to smile at him, reassure Tony it was okay, that he knew they were trying their best. But, he saw the way Steve would grab at Barnes’ dogtags that hung around his neck. Caught glimpses of Barnes’ face in Steve’s sketchbooks (and Tony didn’t even know the Winter Soldier could smile, but it looked right on his face). Saw the Captain’s bloodshot eyes and heard the sniffles when he thought no one was around.

 

And, honestly, as the year passed, Tony found himself forgiving Bucky Barnes. Maybe it was overhearing Shuri talking with Steve about Bucky’s progress and assuring him he had been happy in those last few months (and Tony admired how the teen was still trying to fix people despite her own grief), after helping Bruce through his trauma and panic attacks resulting in his not having been in control of himself for over two years (and Barnes must have felt that on a nuclear scale after Steve jarring him loose from his condition and him realizing he had been a pawn and weapon for 70+ years.)

 

Or, maybe it was the day that Steve didn’t ask for an update. Didn’t come by the lab after Tony told him they were trying to bring the others back again.

 

Instead, that night, after yet another disastrous failed attempt, he found Steve with Thor’s supply of mead, drunk for the first time since the 40s.

 

It was that night Steve finally confided in Tony that Steve and Bar- _Bucky_ were together, that they had been since long before the war. That he hadn’t told Tony at first because it hurt too much to talk about his long-lost cyborg boyfriend, then later because he didn’t want Tony to think he was manipulating him into trusting or forgiving Barnes.

 

And when Steve, Mr. _If-you-get-killed-walk-it-off, the-price-of-freedom-is-high-but-it’s-one-I’m-willing-to-pay,_ whispered “how many times do I have to lose everything?”  Tony knew that, if _when_ he got Bucky back, he had to forgive him. He wasn’t promising the two would be besties, that they’d ever really be more than teammates, but he’d be damned if he made Steve Rogers’ choose between the Avengers and Barnes again, made him lose anything else.

 

And Tony worked to repair that bridge, their friendship, knowing that Steve had also lost his confidant, his best friend and the most stable person in his life, Sam Wilson. And the genius almost felt guilty when he looked around, still having Pepper, still having Rhodey and Happy and Bruce. (He desperately tried not to think of Peter, of terrified eyes and a pained whisper of   _“I don’t feel so good, Mr. Stark”_ because if he did, the grief would crush him, would freeze him up and keep him from _fixing_ this.)

 

So, he worked himself to the bone, and thank god Pepper understood, that she encouraged him to keep trying, even when he could tell she felt it was a lost cause. They both knew he had to keep moving or else he’d never get back up.

 

So, here they were, over a year later, still trying to figure out how to release the power of the stones and fix...everything.

 

And they may have finally done so.

  
Using an algorithm that Shuri had created, they were able to harness the stones’ power to (hopefully) bring back those that Thanos had killed. They had created over two dozen secure locations throughout the globe, and even more throughout the galaxy, using antennas and satellites and a whole slew of other tech to corral people to their homeworlds.

 

(This made the process take so much longer, but they couldn’t just drop 3.5 billion people in Wakanda, and they couldn’t just drop people where they were when they disappeared. What if they were in a plane? Or the middle of the road?)

 

Tony looked over at the other two, checking the machinery before nodding. The three hesitated for a moment before Shuri started the process, closing her eyes and whispering something in Wakandan and finalized the sequence.

 

A bright light enveloped the room, making the three cover their eyes and look away. Tony held his breath, wondering if this would be yet another _almost._

 

The light faded and before them, finally, after so long, stood those that were lost.

 

“Brother!” Shuri’s shout sounded before it truly sunk in that the process had worked. The teen weaved through people and launched herself at T’Challa, who wrapped her in the biggest hug Tony had ever seen.

 

Though Tony was too far to make it out, he could see T’Challa’s mouth moving in murmurs, Shuri shaking as her sobs were muffled in his chest, clinging to him for dear life.

 

F.R.I.D.A.Y’s voice sounded overhead, informing everyone they were safe, that the Avengers were there, the threat was gone, and they would all be heading home shortly.

 

Tony glanced around, taking sight of the thousands of people who had just emerged. He knew the antennas would signal all the Earthlings home, to one of the thirty secure locations they had marked for their reemergence, monitored both by Dora Milaje and F.R.I.D.A.Y. But he wanted to see his people. Wanted to find -

 

“Mr. Stark?” And Tony’s heart skipped in his chest. He closed his eyes, almost scared to look toward the sound and be disappointed yet again. However, when the voice repeated his name, he had no choice but to open his eyes.

 

And there, amongst the crowd, _finally,_ stood Peter Parker. He looked scared and vulnerable and every bit the child he was. But he was alive and seemingly in one piece.

 

Tony hurried toward him, pulling the kid into the tightest hug he could managed.

 

“Ummm...Mr. Stark, are you okay?” Peter asked, confusion making him sound even younger than he already did. “Are we back on Earth? Why are you hugging - oh, god. Did something happen to Aunt May? Mr. Stark, please tell me-”

 

Reluctantly, Tony forced himself to pull away from the kid, but kept a hand on his shoulder, unable to break contact just yet. “Your aunt’s fine.” Tony promised, and he watched as the teenager visibly relaxed, his shoulders slumping. “You’ve been...Pete, what do you remember?”

 

“We were fighting Thanos, but he got the Time Stone. He vanished and then…”

 

Peter’s eyes grew wide, looking down at his hands as they started to pat all over his body, checking to see if he was solid. “Oh no. No no no no.”

 

Tony could hear the kid trying to catch his breath, unable to as he started hyperventilating, and instantly hauled him back in for a hug. “Easy, easy. You’re alright, kid. Just breath.”

 

Peter’s hands came up, clinching in Tony’s shirt, his chest heaving against the billionaire as he tried to breathe. “I was...space and ...I started…”

 

“I know.” Of course Tony did, the memory was ingrained in his brain, playing everytime he closed his eyes, everytime he tried to take a break. “You’re okay.” And Tony knew his voice must have sounded broken and jagged to everyone else’s ears, but he didn’t care.

 

“I…”

 

Tony shushed Peter, recognizing the onset of a panic attack, having had so many after Afghanistan, after New York, after Sokovia, after Siberia, after Titan. He ruffled Peter’s hair. “You’re safe. Breathe with me, okay?”

 

Tony breathed in for five seconds, held it for three seconds, then let it out slowly, holding Peter tight against him so he could feel the rise and fall of his chest.

 

Peter did his best to mimic him, and though it started off rocky and stuttered at first, he slowly started to get his breathing back under control.

 

“ _Stark_ .” Okoye’s voice sounded through the comm in his ear. _“We have eyes on Wilson and Maximoff. Is there any word on T’Challa?”_ And Tony could hear how hard she fought to keep her voice steady and professional.

 

“We got him.” And he pointedly ignored the whispered gratitude on the other end of the line. “Got Parker too. Still scanning for the others.”

 

“Boss, I’ve got eyes on Quill in sector four and Dr. Strange in sector two. And….Loki in sector five?” F.R.I.D.A.Y’s soft voice told him.

 

And Tony couldn’t help the staggering breath that escaped him as he hugged Peter tighter. They had done it. They had actually managed to save seemingly everyone. The Guardians would be a bit harder to find, since they would have likely been transported closer to their home planets, but Danvers and Alpha Flight would be able to track them down by the end of the day.

 

“Mr. Stark?” Peter asked when he felt his breath stutter, pulling back slightly. “Are you okay?”

 

“I’m good now, kid.” Tony explained, a bright, watery smile on his face.

 

“What happened?”

 

“Well…” And Tony finally let the kid go. “Thanos got the drop on everyone and ended up getting the last stone…”

 

“What?!” Peter asked, looking around. “We have to stop him before he…”

 

“Pete.” Tony squeezed his shoulder. “He’s gone, okay? We kicked his California Raisin ass, took his gaudy glove or gauntlet or whatever, and then Thor chopped his head off just to be on the safe side.”

 

Peter’s eyes grew to the size of saucers. Tony shrugged. “In Point Break’s defense, Grimace had it coming.”

 

“But, how are we back? I thought….”

 

“It took us a while to figure out how, but we used the stones, were able to harness their power to reverse the damage done and bring our people back.”

 

“And everyone’s okay now? We’re...safe?”

 

Tony nodded, pulling the kid against his side. “Yeah, Pete. We got everyone back. Now, come on. Let’s go call your Aunt so she can stop worrying.”

 

However, their retreat was cut off by the panicked shouts of “Steve! Stevie!”

 

Tony pulled away from Peter, about to instruct the boy to go stand off to the side while he talked to Barnes, but when he saw the fear and panic that flashed across the boy’s face, he instead kept an arm around his shoulders as he maneuvered them toward Barnes’ increasingly frantic voice.

 

“Easy, James. He’s alright.” He could hear Banner’s voice, calm and soothing, coming from the same place. “He’s not here, but he’s fine, alright? Completely safe.”

 

“What happened? Thanos vanished and then…” Tony could see the color drain from Barnes’ face, no doubt remembering what had transpired in his final moments (and Tony really tried not to think about Cap being that close and yet again unable to reach him.) “Oh, shit. Did Steve-”

 

“No. He was fine. Wasn’t one of people... _culled_ when Thanos snapped.”

 

“And Thanos?”

 

“Dead.” Tony stated plainly as they reached the pair. “Killing a bunch of our loved one was just what it took to get us back into the avenging business.”

 

Bucky whipped around, eyes landing on Tony and Peter. And suddenly, he looked less like a man who just escaped death and more like a man on his way to the gallows. He held his arms out to the side, non-threateningly. “And Steve’s okay?”

 

Tony nodded.

 

“Just...tell him it wasn’t his fault. That he didn’t _let_ me get hurt. Please.” Barnes was resigned, swallowing hard. And, did the jackass really think that Tony was going to kill him now? Or throw him in a cell without ever letting Steve know?

 

Tony couldn’t stop the eyeroll (not that he really tried.) “Are all hundred-year-olds this dramatic, or is just a Brooklyn thing? Please, save it for your declarations of love with Capsicle.”

 

“You’re not going to lock me up?” Bucky’s voice was cautious and wary, hands still held out to the side.

 

“No. Apparently, stopping an extinction level event comes with all _sorts_ of perks. The accords are done, Cap’s team is forgiven, and you, Red Scare, have been granted a full pardon.” Tony shrugged. “They thought you were _really_ dead this time so it wasn’t hard to get that tacked on. Seriously, though, how many lives do you have? Are you part cat?”

 

The Soldier’s eyes widened, ignoring Tony’s extra commentary and focusing instead on the rest of what he said. “I-I can go home?” And Tony’s heart _did not_ ache at the broken hope in his voice.

 

“Yeah, Barnes. You and Cap can go home.”

 

And, dammit, Tony had already seen a geriatric cry enough this year. Like he could ever forget a drunken Cap talking about Bucky that night, about how the man had never gotten to go home.

 

(Steve had promptly apologized for bringing Bucky up, but Tony waved it off. Because, yeah, it hurt to hear about the guy who had killed his parents, but it also helped him to distance the Fist of Hydra from the scared kid who got shipped off to war in his early twenties and never got to come home.)

 

“Thank you...I’m sor-”

 

Tony nodded. “I know.” He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose because it physically pained him to deal with emotions. “And I know if you had a choice, you’d have never hurt anyone who didn’t have it coming. Doesn’t mean we’re gonna have slumber parties and braid each other’s hair anytime soon, but…” He let out a loud, bracing breath. “Cap’s in a bad way. He needs his family. All of us.”

 

“What happened?” Bucky’s voice was steady but had a panicked edge to it.

 

“He’s fine, physically. But...it’s been a year, Barnes. He lost you and Wilson. Wanda. T’Challa. Didn’t take it well. We’ve kept an eye on him the best we could, but...I don’t know how many more hits he can take.”

 

“Thank you for keeping him safe.” Bucky’s voice was soft, full of gratitude.

 

“You wanna thank me? Let me come to you. I’m not...” He trailed off, grimacing as he shook his head.

 

Barnes nodded in complete understanding. And a flame of anger burst in Tony’s chest at HYDRA because, he could see it now - the self-loathing, the angst, the guilt weighing down on Bucky’s shoulders. And Tony, he knew that weight, even moreso than the weight of his armor.

 

He wondered, in a different life, had HYDRA not gotten their hands on Barnes, would the two of them have been friends?

 

Bucky’s features shifted from gratitude to worry, quickly looking around. “The others? Are they okay?”

 

“Everyone seems to be accounted for. Don’t know if any of us are _okay_ , but we’re all in one piece.”

 

And at that, Barnes deflated, taking a deep breath and relaxing for the first time in who knows how long. And something about it, the worry mixed with the assurance that everything would be okay, made the former assassin look softer, younger. “Where’s Steve?”

 

“He’s still here in Wakanda. A lot of us have been staying here since their technology was the best chance at fixing this.” Tony explained.

 

“Can one of you take me to him?”

 

* * *

 

Bucky tiptoed into the suite, quiet as can be in case Steve was sleeping.

 

Bruce had given him the rundown on how Steve was on the way to the apartment and was even more honest than Tony in his assessment, talking about how the super-soldier had isolated himself and (the team suspected) wasn’t eating or sleeping.

 

He seemed to be somewhat open to spending time with Thor, but Bruce hypothesized that was only because, along with Thor came Asgardian liquor. (Thor wasn’t doing great either, apparently, and even though Bucky didn’t know the man, his heart went out to him.)

 

So, Bucky went in, not knowing what Steve needed, but ready to be whatever that was.

 

What he found shattered him.

 

The place was a disaster, like Steve couldn’t bring himself to pick up anything. He could tell from where he stood that the cabinets were bare and empty, not a grocery in sight. The bedsheets looked old and dirty, having not been changed in far too long.

 

And there, in the corner, was Steve, clearly drunk off his ass if the way he swayed - even though he was sitting down - was anything to go off of. His hair was greasy and clothes rumbled. His beard was unkempt and he had lost an alarming amount of weight.

  
Bucky stood for a moment, taking it all in and trying to formulate a plan.

 

Bloodshot eyes glanced his way. Steve groaned from where he was sitting on the floor, hitting his head against the wall.

 

And Stark wasn’t kidding about Steve being in a bad place. Bucky wasn’t sure how to even start putting the pieces of Steve back together, but he was damn sure going to try.

 

“Stevie?”

 

When Steve refused to respond, Bucky crouched down in front of him, frowning as he saw the overturned flask on the ground next to the man.

 

Steve followed his gaze, smiling at the flask. “Finally found a way to get drunk again. Thor bless Asgardians.” Steve chuckled humorlessly at his own joke.

 

Bucky sighed, elated to be with Steve when the world wasn’t falling down around them for the first time in 70 years, but so very worried about him.

 

“How much have you had, Doll?”

 

“Clearly, too much.” He snorted, before furrowing his eyebrows in consideration. “Or maybe not enough? You’re here, aren’t you?”

 

“I think you had it right the first time, Stevie.” Bucky’s voice was soft. “You been seeing me a lot?”

 

Steve didn’t answer, the look on his face utterly heartbreaking as he eyes locked on the floor. “Can’t tell if this is...a blessing or a curse.” He sniffed. “I miss you.”

 

 _Fucking Hell_. Steve thought he was hallucinating Bucky, that the man in front of him was just a figment of his imagination.  And Bucky didn’t know how long this had been going on. If it was just Steve’s intoxicated brain trying to make sense of all this, or if he had suffered hallucinations all these months.

 

And god, Bucky wanted to shake Steve until he realized that he was real, until he accepted that he wasn’t alone anymore. To kiss him breathless, to love on him until he came back to himself, to Bucky. To make his eyes shine with something other than tears and booze.  

 

But, he could see the dark circles under Steve’s eyes, the way his eyelids were heavy and fluttery, dog-tired but fighting desperately for a few more minutes with Bucky. And Bucky remembered drunk Stevie, too floaty to be aware of his surroundings, too gone to sober up for any reason. (And yeah, for being almost fully Irish, Steve never could hold his liquor when he got going). And knew that now was not the time for this conversation.

 

So, instead, Bucky would do what he had always done best: take care of Steve, who clearly, _desperately,_ needed a good night’s sleep. They could deal with the emotional fallout of his and the others return once Steve was sober enough to actually remember the conversation the next day.

 

“I’ve missed you too, sweetheart.”  Unable to go a second longer without having his hands on his other half, he ran a comforting hand through Steve’s hair.

 

Steve’s eyes slipped closed, a small smile on his lips. “S’nice.”

 

“Well, how about you drink some water for me then we’ll go lay down and I can hold you until you fall asleep, yeah? We can talk about everything tomorrow.”

 

Steve’s eyes shot open, shaking his head so quickly he knocked Bucky’s hand away. He started to tilt to the side, but Bucky caught him. “Steady. Easy, doll.”

 

“Don’t want to sleep yet.”

 

Bucky made an inquisitive noise, moving closer, his hand going back through Steve’s hair. Steve had always been a cuddler when he was drunk, clinging to Bucky like an octopus once they got home, getting emotional if Bucky wasn’t near him or in his line of sight.

 

“Why’s that?”

 

Steve sniffed, and Bucky hated the tears that started falling from the other man’s eyes as he looked to the ceiling. “You won’t be here when I wake up.” At this, his whole body shuddered with a repressed sob. “How many times do I have to lose you, Bucky?”

 

“Oh, Stevie.” Bucky’s heart broke as he watched Steve fall apart. He quickly reached out, pulling him into a hug, arms tight as though it were his duty to hold Steve Rogers together. (And well, maybe it was. Maybe it always had been.)

 

“I keep losing you.” Steve whispered against Bucky’s chest, his hands curled so tightly in Bucky’s shirt that he could hear the fabric tearing. “The train. DC. Wakanda. Thanos. I’m always right there and I can’t ever get to you in time. I can’t-” His voice broke on the final word before he trailed off into small, hiccuping sobs.  

 

“Hey. Hey.” Bucky’s voice was soft as silk as he cradled Steve’s face with his flesh hand, pushing it away from his chest just enough to look him in the eyes, though the blond refused to do so. “Look at me, Stevie.”  

 

Nothing.

 

“Come on, doll. Let me see those baby blues.” Finally, Steve relented, opening them and releasing a fresh batch of tears.

 

Bucky gave him a soft smile and a small hum of encouragement, gently wiping away the tears. “None of this is on you, okay? Yeah, we’ve had our share of bad luck, but that’s not on you, okay? You did everything you could, Stevie. I know that.”

 

“I’m sorry-”

 

“No.” Bucky cut him off harshly, regretting it the moment Steve flinched in his arms. He made a soothing noise, softening his tone. “Don’t you dare go apologizing for what happened. It’s not your fault. Lot of people on that list I can blame, but you ain’t ever gonna be one of them, alright?”

 

Steve looked away. Having none of it, Bucky gripped his chin, forcing him to look at him once more. “Alright?”

 

Steve reluctantly nodded. “I miss you.” He whispered yet again.

 

“I ain’t gonna leave you alone again.” Bucky promised, leaning forward to plant a gentle kiss on Steve’s forehead. “Now, come on. To bed with you.”  

 

Tomorrow would be a new day, a better one, and Bucky would make damn sure he was the first thing Steve saw.

 

* * *

 

Bucky had wrangled a rather weepy Steve into his pajamas (and Bucky _ached_ when he realized that Steve had been sleeping in one of his old shirts) and tucked him under a mound of blankets.

 

He forced Steve to drink a good deal of water (and how his heart broke when he turned the corner after getting the drink and Steve looked at him like he was a miracle, like he wasn’t expecting him to return) and gave him a long kiss - soft and comforting.

 

He curled around Steve, holding him tight against him and running his hand through his hair until the blond fell asleep.

 

For the longest time, Bucky stayed awake, watching Steve. Here, asleep and safe, he looked more at peace than Bucky had ever seen him - as though years had melted away and he was once more just a kid from Brooklyn.

 

And Bucky couldn’t look away. Since before being shipped off to war, every time he had been with the other man, there had been fight or the government chasing them or some mad god looking to destroy the world.

 

But now, they were together. Now they could go home and rest. Now Bucky could work to ease the guilt and grief Steve carried with him.

 

So he spent the night whispering promises and endearment to Steve, vowing that he’d be by his side from this point on.

 

* * *

 

Bucky wasn’t sure when he had fallen asleep, but he woke up to someone pulling and tugging at him. Steve’s voice was equal parts relieved and frantic. “Bucky? Jesus Christ, Bucky?!?”

 

Next thing he knew, Steve was practically lying on top of him, clutching at Bucky, burrowing his face into his chest.

 

Bucky’s arms quickly came around Steve, holding the shaking blond tight against him.

 

“Morning, sweetheart.” He whispered, planting a quick kiss to the top of Steve’s head. He could feel his shirt growing damp from the other man’s tears.

 

“Tell me you’re real.” Steve pleaded. Bucky glanced down to see his eyes clenched shut. “ _Please._ Just tell me-”

 

“I’m real, baby.”

 

Steve let out a heartwrenching sob, whispers of Bucky’s name muffled against his chest.

 

“Easy, doll. It’s alright, now. You’re alright.”

 

Bucky continued to mutter reassurances against Steve’s hair, lips grazing the top of his head with every word. The other hand traced patterns into his lover’s back as the other man clung to him for dear life.

 

Steve took in a shaky breath, before pulling back, eyes wet with tears as he looked at Bucky, his mouth turning up into a bright smile.

 

Bucky’s heart melted at the sight, muttering a gruff, “God, I missed that smile,” before pulling Steve down into a hard kiss.

 

Steve went more than willingly, pliant in Bucky’s hands as he returned the kiss with all the grief and loneliness he had felt, all the happiness and elation he was currently feeling.

 

Abruptly, Steve pulled back, eyes wide, flashing with grief as though he shouldn’t be enjoying this moment, this happiness while -

 

“The others are back too.” Bucky supplied, reading Steve like a book. “Wilson, Wanda, T’Challa, that Spider-Kid. Shuri and the others had to beam us to different locations, but they’re rounding them up. Should be here soon.”

 

“Really?” Steve’s voice cracked, wary, like he couldn’t believe the universe would actually give him this, give him his entire family back, no strings attached.

 

“Yeah, baby.” Bucky smiled, tucking a lose strand of hair behind Steve’s ear. “We won. We’re all home.”

 

A laugh erupted from Steve before he could help it, tears falling out of his eyes - though thank God they were tears of joy this time. He continued laughing, lips meeting Bucky’s again.

 

They were both grinning and laughing too hard to really call it a “kiss,” but god if it wasn’t the best one of Bucky’s life.

 

* * *

 

“Oh, I see how it is.” Tony’s voice sounded from the doorway, causing Steve’s head to snap up from the suitcase he was packing. “I bring back your Cyborg boyfriend and you ride off into the sunset. I’m hurt, Rogers. Truly.”

 

“Tony, I…” And Steve’s voice caught in his throat. He hadn’t really talked to the inventor since Bucky had arrived. (Granted, in his defense, he had really only left his room to see Sam and Wanda upon their return. And only for a brief moment. The rest of the day he had spent clinging to Bucky, going between joy, disbelief, and a whole slew of emotions. The only reason he was even away from Bucky now was that the brunet was taking a nap, but Steve was too restless to sleep and didn’t want to risk keeping the other man awake.)

 

Instead of trying to find words he _knew_ would never be sufficient, would never even scratch the surface to the depths of his gratitude, he merely walked over to Tony and pulled the man into a tight hug.

 

Tony stiffened, and Steve wondered if he should pull away, knowing he and Tony weren’t back at that place yet. But then-

 

“Alright. Easy there, Capsicle.” Tony mumurmed upon hearing Steve’s sniffle, bringing his arms up to wrap around Steve.

 

“Thank you.” Steve repeated, over and over, knowing he could never repay the debt he now owed Tony.

 

“I know, I’m the greatest. No need to throw me a parade.” He thought for a moment, then “No, wait, do. I’d love to see Ross’ face.”

 

Steve pulled back, quickly wiping at his eyes.

 

“But, seriously, you’re gonna leave this quick? We haven’t even had our ‘hooray, our friends aren’t dead anymore’ party yet. I bet we could have Thor bring the good stuff so you and Barnes could have a good time.”

 

“I…”

 

“Now, if you’re ducking out so you and Red Scare can go have loud, grandpa sex, that’s one thing.” Tony’s face grew serious, the joking tone of his voice dropping away. “But, if you’re leaving because you think you have to, then we have a problem.”

 

“Tony, you….you brought him back. You gave me back the most important…” He cut himself off, swallowing hard. “I know how you feel about him and after what happened in Siberia? I won’t make you relive that. We can get by on our own.”

 

Tony rolled his eyes so hard Steve was worried they’d fall out of his head.

 

“You’re an idiot. You know that, right? If you would just _talk_ to people instead of being a martyr all the time, you’d save yourself a heap of trouble.”

 

At Steve’s questioning look, Tony rolled his eyes once more.

 

“Steve, do you really think I’d bring him back, just to run him off?”

 

“Tony, he -”

 

“I know what HYDRA _made_ him do,” he cut off. “That wasn’t him. I know that now. And, had you _told me_ when you found out, I would have had time to come to that realization before we all kicked the crap out of one another.”

 

Steve hung in head, guilt and shame clear as day on his features. “I should have told you.”

 

“Yeah, you should have.” Tony agreed. “But, I understand why you didn’t. I would have done the same for Pepper.”

 

Steve’s head jerked up, a flash of hope at Tony’s understanding tone.

 

Tony glanced heavenward, “God, I can’t believe we have to talk about our _feelings._ I need a shower.”

  
Pinching the bridge of his nose, he looked back at Steve. “I don’t hate him. Not anymore. Not saying I want to make friendship bracelets with him, but, I think I’d like to know the guy from Aunt Peggy’s stories. Plus, it’d be really great to have the whole team in a room again without fighting or arresting one another.”

 

Steve chuckled. “Our last party like that ended with Ultron showing up.”

 

Tony put his hand up in the Boy Scout salute. “I solemnly swear to not create another murderbot before the party.”

 

And, god, Steve had missed talking with Tony, lighthearted without any guilt or grief to get in the way. “I don’t know…”

 

“Come on, at least stick around until I can help you and Barnes get a place in Brooklyn.”

 

“You don’t have to do that.”

 

Tony shrugged. “Yeah, I do. Barnes has had enough people hurt him. Myself included. Least I can do is make sure he has somewhere safe to go home to at night.”

 

“Stevie?”  Bucky’s sleep-worn voice instantly had Steve’s full attention. The blond whipped around, heart skipping at his lover’s messy hair and pajama clad appearance as he exited the bedroom. Despite the metal arm, he looked soft and warm and, most important to Steve, _safe._

 

Steve was by his side in an instant, planting a quick kiss on his forehead. “Hey, sleepy-head.”

 

“Hey.” He leaned into Steve’s touch, humming contently. “Why weren’t you in bed?”

 

“Was antsy. Didn’t want to keep you up.”

 

Bucky nuzzled closer to Steve, arms wrapping around Steve’s waist. “Wouldn’t have minded.”

 

“Oh, please. Don’t mind me. I just, you know, brought everyone back in one piece. It’s fine. Pretend I’m not here.” Tony deadpanned.

 

Bucky tensed, catching sight of Tony for the first time. (And Steve was so, so happy that Bucky felt safe and protected enough that he could turn off the hyper-awareness of his surroundings and just...be. Though he hated the nervousness that suddenly enveloped the room)

 

“Everything okay?” Bucky questioned, neutral as possible, but with the promise of tension if it was needed. He stepped away from Steve, but kept within arm’s length of him.

 

“Yes-” Steve tried to answer, already missing Bucky’s warmth.

 

“No, it’s not,” Tony cut in. “Capsicle here wants to pack up and leave already, before he’s even seen the whole team again.”

 

“I’ll talk to everyone before I leave.” Because Steve wasn’t a _monster_. He wasn’t planning on leaving without saying his goodbyes.

 

“Like just saying “hi” would be enough. Come on, let’s dust off our dancing shoes. Get the band back together.”

 

“Tony, I -”

 

Steve was cut off by Bucky’s calm “Do _you_ want us to stay?”

 

He directed it at Tony, the underlying question heard loud and clear: _Do you want_ me _here?_

 

Steve watched as the two men studied each other, something unspoken passing between them.

 

Tony finally relented and nodded. “Yeah. You two should stay.”

 

“Okay.” Bucky grabbed Steve’s hand, squeezing it tightly. “Then we’ll stay.”

 

* * *

 

A LITTLE OVER A YEAR LATER:

 

Steve rolled over in bed, having just woken after a blissful night with no nightmares. Though the horrors that plagued his mind were still there - a combination of PTSD and depression that would never completely go away - they were getting better with a combination of therapy, medication, and -

 

“Bucky.” Steve murmured, arm reaching out to the other side of the bed (the side between Steve and the door that Bucky had claimed).

 

However, rather than a warm, solid (alive, thank _God_ he was alive) body, Steve’s arm landed on cold, empty sheets.

 

Steve’s heart stuttered in his chest, a brief moment of panic that he quick buried down, his hand patting up the bed until it landed on the pillow and the note that rested atop it.

 

There was only one word: DOWNSTAIRS with a little heart drawn underneath it.

 

Steve laid back in the bed, a relieved sigh escaping his lips as he mentally reminded himself that Bucky was _here,_ safe and alive.

 

He quieted his racing heart and finally, when the blood rushing in his ears faded, he could hear Bucky humming to himself, as well as the clinks and clanks from the kitchen.

 

Steve knew - he absolutely _knew_ \- how ridiculous it was that Bucky had to leave a note for him if he left the bed. Even if he was just stepping away for five minutes for a phone call or to use the restroom or to get a drink.

 

But, the first night Steve had woken up in Wakanda without Bucky beside him, he had broken down in tears, thinking Bucky’s return - as well as the others - had just been some dream his mind had whipped up and he was now thrust back into the dark, terrible, Bucky-less reality.

 

When Bucky returned minutes later - having only stepped out long enough to talk to Shuri, whom he had struck a close friendship with but hadn’t been able to see yet - he had quickly gathered Steve in his arms, soothing him as he once more worked through the stages of grief.

  
Since then, Bucky had always left a note for Steve if he stepped away, even for a moment. He did it gladly and never once did he make Steve feel stupid or idiotic for needing that constant affirmation that Bucky was indeed back with him.

 

The humming got closer before the door opened, and Bucky - beautiful, perfect, whole, _alive_ Bucky - walked in, an enormous tray of food in his hands and a giant smile on his face. His hair was shorter, closer to how it had looked in the days before the war.

 

His smile grew even wider when he caught sight of Steve.

 

“Hey, baby.” He sat the food down on their dresser and walked over, giving Steve a lingering kissing. “Happy Birthday.”

 

Steve hummed his thanks against Bucky’s lips, going in for another kiss.

  
His eyes darted to the note, as he muttered a quick, but embarrassed thanks for that as well.

 

Bucky said nothing regarding Steve’s gratitude - having told Steve time and time again he didn’t _need_ to thank him - just swooped down to give him a kiss on the cheek.

 

“Scooch up.” Bucky gently commanded, handing Steve the tray as he climbed in behind him, sitting against the headboard and bracketing his legs around Steve. He wrapped his arms around the blond, pulling him back until his back rested against his chest.

 

Steve sighed, closing his eyes in contentment as Bucky kissed the top of his head then rested his chin on Steve’s shoulder.

 

“You not eating?” Steve couldn’t help the tinge of worry that bled into his voice. Bucky had been doing great, but seventy plus years of torture didn’t magically fix itself. Bucky had bad, terrible days - where he couldn’t get out of bed, where he’d have to run or work out until he exhausted himself, where he couldn’t let go of Steve, where he couldn’t be _around_ Steve - worried he’d corrupt or hurt him.

 

On those days, Steve had to _plead_ with Bucky to eat, knowing with his increased metabolism that skipping meals, even for a day, was wildly dangerous.

 

“Yeah.” Bucky soothed, arms tightening around Steve. “Just want to hold you for a minute first.”

 

Steve rolled his eyes. “Sap.”

 

“Only for you, Doll.” He murmured in his ear, placing a quick kiss on Steve’s cheek.

 

Steve gripped his metal hand, smiling as their wedding rings clinked together.

 

They had gotten married mere weeks after Bucky had returned. Steve - during one of the few times he could bring himself to step away from Bucky - had asked T’Challa if there were any jewelry stores he’d recommend.

 

T’Challa had taken Steve to a local jeweler that had been used by the royal family for decades. After conferring with Sam - who had tagged along because “have you _seen_ your wardrobe, Steve? Seriously. Let me help” - he settled on a White Gold ring accented with sapphires.

 

Both T’Challa and (surprisingly) Tony had offered to pay, but Steve had refused, wanting to pay for Bucky’s ring himself.

 

A week later, the ring had been sized and, after Shuri provided a lining that would work with Bucky’s metal hand, was ready.

 

Steve, however, had waited until they were back stateside - at Coney Island no less - to pop the question.

 

Bucky had said yes, of course, and the two were married a week later, in a small ceremony with T’Challa officiating and the other Avengers attending.

 

Now, almost a year later, they were content in their home in Brooklyn, with Steve teaching art classes at the local VA and Bucky helping run an animal shelter. They had both hung up their shield and gun, giving Sam the title of Captain America.

 

Finally, they had gotten the peace they started fighting for over 70 years ago.

 

“I still can’t believe you convinced me to throw a party.” Steve complained, plucking a strawberry into his mouth before offering one to Bucky.

 

“Oh no. No no no. We aren’t canceling. I’m not dealing with Tony and Sam’s whining again.” Bucky complained, eating the strawberry from Steve’s hand. “It’s your hundredth birthday, and I’m pretty sure if we don’t spend at least part of it with your friends, they’ll just kidnap you anyway.”

 

“I could take them.”

 

“You sure old man? You’ve gotten pretty out of shape since you put the shield down.” Bucky joked, laughing even louder at Steve’s offended look.

 

“Look who’s talking.” Steve bumped his shoulder against Bucky’s.

 

Bucky smiled, stealing another bite of food before growing serious. “If you really don’t feel up to everyone coming, you can tell me. I’ll let them know we’ll have the party another day.”

 

Steve shook his head. “No, you’re right. Tony and Sam’ll give us hell if we cancel.” He nuzzled his nose against Bucky’s cheek. “Part of me wishes I could spend the day with just you.”

 

Bucky rolled his eyes. “Who’s the sap now?”

 

* * *

 

The party was in full swing when the doorbell rang and Tony flung the door open, garnering all the attention he could. However, most of the partygoers were so immune to his antics by now they simply ignored him.

 

“Capsicle” Tony walked over, patting Steve on the shoulder before pulling a small, wrapped box out of his pocket. “Happy Birthday.”

“Tony.” Steve groaned, “I told you no presents.” He placed the box on the table… alongside all the other presents that people had brought. (Because the Avengers can’t _listen_ for shit, apparently.)

 

“Don’t get mad at me. Pepper insisted. And I’m more scared of her than I am of you.”

 

“Where is she?” Steve asked, glancing behind Tony for her.

 

“My better half got stuck at an SI board meeting. Sends her love.” He acknowledged the man beside Steve for the first time. “Barnes.”

 

“Stark.”

 

The two watched each other for a moment, before fist-bumping (which Steve still found weird, but hey - whatever worked for their friendship. He was just happy they weren’t at one another’s throats.)

 

“Nice bracelet.” Tony pointed out the small, colorful, braided material looped around Bucky’s wrist, causing the former assassin to roll his eyes.

 

“I know, you bring it up _every time you see me_ -” Bucky’s exasperation was clear, though he stopped short at Tony’s expectant look, rolling his eyes before dutifully replying. “Thanks, Tony. I like your bracelet, too.”

 

Steve glanced between the matching bracelets with unrestrained fondness. Tony had made them for Bucky at Christmas. (And though he _tried_ to play it off as a gag gift, both of the super soldiers knew it was Tony truly extending the olive branch, forgiving Bucky for what HYDRA had forced him to do.)

 

“Come on, Bucky Bear.” Tony put his arm around Bucky’s shoulders and started leading him toward the kitchen. “Let’s grab a beer and I can tell you about the new robot I’m working on.”

 

Bucky lit up, still getting used to actually _enjoying_ the future. “The one with the arc reactor center and -”

 

The two were walking excitedly to the kitchen as Steve called after them “No muderbots!”

They waved off his concern and continued chatting animatedly with one another.

 

Steve glanced around the room at all of his friends:

  
Thor was gathered with Peter Parker and Shuri around their tablets as they introduced him to Vines. The three shouted “YEET!” together before breaking into boisterous laughter.

 

The King of Asgard tried to call over Valkyrie, but she was too busy flirting with Okoye and pretended not to see.

 

Clint and Natasha glanced over at the shouting, but quickly brushed it off, turning back to their Mario Kart game with Vision and Wanda. T’Challa and Bruce were holding a quiet conversation in the corner, away from the mass of people, as Sam and Rhodey held court over a game of poker with Scott, Hope, and Maria.

 

He glanced finally toward the kitchen, where Bucky was leaning against the counter, sipping on a beer as he watched Tony excitedly flail about the new robot.

 

Bucky glanced over and, catching Steve’s eye, smile widening before he mouthed _Love you._

 

Steve mouthed it back and finally felt like he had come home.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you all enjoyed! :D I've considered playing around in this sandbox a bit more with more snapshots of life post Bucky and the others coming back, but because of *gestures to everything happening in America* I lost steam. But, if that's something you'd be interested in, please let me know so I can try to find some motivation for it.


End file.
